Dear Pinterest,
I want you to know that you started all of this with a hot dog. Your behavior has allowed me to see that we just aren’t right for each other anymore. I’m breaking up with you.
You annoyed me a little bit. That small annoyance grew into disdain and now I just don’t think our lifestyles align. The problem is that you take things in my life that are great as-is and make it seem as if they are lacking. You are stealing simple pleasures from me and I don’t like it one bit. You went too far when you went for the hot dog. Why are you trying to ruin a summer staple? The thing that is great about hot dogs is their simplicity. You can’t see that can you? You couldn’t leave something well enough alone. You told me that I needed to “step up my hot dog game”. I don’t want to step up my hot dog game. I don’t want to spiralize my hot dog and cover it in homemade mustard. I want to throw them on the grill, cover them in French’s, toss on a store-bought pickle, and cradle it on a bun filled with gluten.
You can have your spiralized hot dogs and while you are at it, take back making your own dress out of a t-shirt. I don’t want to make my own dress out of a t-shirt. It still looks like a t-shirt even though you are claiming it is a dress. I realize now that you don’t even know me. Why would you suggest I make my own clothing? I can’t even cut in a straight line. I’m horrible at measuring and my handwriting looks like a man’s. Go ahead and tell me that other women pull this off flawlessly. Don’t you think I know that?!!
You see what you just did their Pinterest? Do you see it? You made me point out my faults. When I’m with you, I don’t feel good about myself anymore. You just show me where I’m failing. I want to write cute sayings on a chalkboard like you can. It is just that mine looks like a second grader wrote it instead of a grown woman. I want to have a clean, clutter free home, but I can’t get it all done. I’ve tried your nifty lists on how to simplify. It is just that I don’t have time to spend four hours a day cleaning. It takes so much time just to keep my home at the cleanliness and organized level it is now. I don’t even have kids yet so I know that none of this is sustainable. I can’t do it Pinterest. I will never have one of those perfectly decorated and well-organized unblemished homes. It is expensive, time-consuming, and I’m waving a white flag of defeat. You win, I have lost.
While we are at it, you win on looking perfect in a bikini. You win at trying to learn a second language in 30 days or less. You win on how to grow you own organic backyard garden. You win on how to put together the perfect outfit. Why is every single perfect outfit skinny jeans? I know you like to tell me that skinny jeans look good on every body type, but you are full of lies. You know which body type skinny jeans don’t look good on? Mine. Quit trying to tell me they look good on a curvy woman because they don’t.
I won’t forget our good times Pinterest. There was that one time I stenciled a wall, used cloth as wallpaper, and learned how to refinish furniture. Nothing will take away those learning experiences we shared alongside each other. When I see those things, I will think fondly of you. Despite the good times, I want you to take perfection and everything that goes along with it. I will go back to imperfection, my normal hot dogs, and dresses I buy from Old Navy.
Sincerely,
LC